


With all my heart

by Jeageractive



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: And Angst oops, Awkwardness, M/M, boys learning to love, fluff fluff fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2382935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeageractive/pseuds/Jeageractive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coffee shop Au filled with no terror, just copious amounts of coffee, the occasional latte, and a few cuddling treatable nightmares.</p><p>Kaneki's been trying to spell a certain regular's name right instead of asking for a while now, but sometimes his hand would slip and he'd scrawl a 'sunshine', or 'daffodil head' and mourn over his idiocy afterwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omigoodnesss I have this fantastic piece of fanart by the lovely cris http://criistiinkn.tumblr.com/post/102649017187/so-i-was-reading-this-lovely-fanfiction-by Thank you <3

"Welcome to Anteiku." Touka said his smile was timid but nice, the way he'd perk up like a groundhog when he hears a jingle making him a welcoming behind the counter doorman.

Kaneki didn't know how much of that was meant to be offending, how much of it not. So he'd fix his uniform, keep a book under a low shelf just in case, and walk into the welcoming aroma of coffee, coated with the early morning chatter of customers. 

Kaneki was somewhat of an endearing barista.

This endearing-ness increases tenfold when a certain customer comes inside, and practically all of his co workers waited for that time of day when his heart melted all over the counter. 

His smile would widen, and he always managed to stutter."W-welcome to Anteiku!" Ah, _fuck_.

He had curious eyes, lightly tinted with a shade of restlessness underneath, trademark headphones adorning his neck to match his iridescent clothing. His hair was golden with a sheen to it, and a friendly grin would tug at his face when he leans over the counter.

"Coffee." He says with a sigh before Kaneki can ask the question, resting his chin atop his folded arms. Kaneki quickly turned around and fumbled with everything like he doesn't do this on a daily basis, aware of a pair of eyes lazily watching him work.

He secures the lid, grabs a sharpie even though it was embarrassing meaningless when the guy sat right there."Uh--"

"Hide." He says, again doing that mind reading thing before the words leave his lips. Kaneki blinks at him for a moment, draws this moment too long.

He blinks back in questions, expression turning amused.

Kaneki cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks heat up as he scribbled something down. He quickly gives him his cup.

"Thanks." Another beautifully blinding grin."Kaneki, was it?"

"Huh?" _The shit is wrong with you._ "Yes."

"See ya." He turns around and slides his headphones on. Kaneki stares at his retreating figure for a moment, before practically cringing."Wait, I--"

Too late. He gave the cup a glance, shoulders shook in a snicker.

His name wasn't sunshine, that's for sure.

"All we needed was a love struck idiot. Literally is all." Touka grumbled, pinching his ear to grab his attention."Move it, sunshine."

"Oh fu--" A sigh."Welcome to Anteiku!"

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Kaneki." Touka's no-shit-taken tone usually brings him back to earth in an instantaneous manner, but he didn't look relenting this time, as he continued with his draped over the counter like a dimwit pose, eyes intensely fixed on the doors like he could bring forth his favorite customer with sheer will power only.

She stalked up behind him and mercilessly cuffed him on the nape, and he flinched, straightening up with a start like he'd been dozing off and a bucket of cold water was dumped on him. Fortunately, it was a very slow hour, and no customer was there to see it happen."Ah, T-Touka chan—"

Her lips thinned, and the irritation flooded right out of her eyes like it would when she prepared to tear apart a big nuisance."Oi, moron. You like him, don't you? You think he's pretty?"

"Huh? Me? Who? No, of course not! I don't even know who you're talking about!" He blurted all at once, and she clicked her tongue, looking half bored, half exasperated again. She fanned him with a hand to emphasize her point.

"Why don't you talk to him a bit more, hm?"

"You know I can't!"

"Well, that is a good point. Your verbal coherency levels are really fucking sad." She flicked a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear."I can do the talking, if you like."

"Oh god, please no. Please."

"Kaneki, I swear to god if you don't get out of your dumb high school trance in another day I'll either get you fired or bluntly hook you two up." He looked horrified."And the latter is more preferable."

Kaneki continued his drape over the counter, wait for Juliet fest, and Touka gave up on him right then and there. 

After devastatingly boring hours of no traffic, no pretty eyed sunbeams with blinding grins, a soft jingle from the front announced a presence. The dejected raven behind the counter tentatively straightened up, and his grin grew when a familiar blond strolled over to the counter. 

"Welcome to Anteiku." He practically gushed, getting a lopsided grin in return. He plopped down on a stool, groaning slightly. Kaneki took in the hint of darkness underneath his eyes, his slightly disheveled head. He looked like he was having a rough day.

"Hey there, Kaneki." He says like they've been friends all their life, not like he'd only figured out his name a few days ago. The addressed boy in turn resisted a flush and wrung his hands together under the counter."I'm having a horrible day. I need something like a latte to wallow in my grief."

Kaneki snickered at the way he said that, almost grabbing a paper cup."Are you staying?"

"Yeah." 

He grabbed a cup as the milk heated up, hearing a small crack from behind. To his utmost embarrassment, three faces poked around the staff room door to take a peek, Hinami at the bottom, followed by Touka and Nishio. He threw a glance his customer's way to see if he'd noticed. He had his headphones on and his eyes softly shut, and he didn't look too aware.

He sighed in relief, nearly stared long enough to spill his milk,  and decided to take advantage of his state and make him a small surprise. He wasn't a very good artist in general, but latte art wasn't too hard a job. He'd intended to draw a daffodil at first, but it turned into a sun, and he cringed in the end and slid it over to him.

Hide cracked an eye open, smiled contentedly and cradled the cup with both hands. The scarf tucked into the collar of his bright hood loosely slid down a bit, and Kaneki was suddenly conscious of the cold, a small factor he'd forgotten after sitting his butt down in the warmth of Anteiku. 

"It's cute." He says idly as he takes a sip, and Kaneki wasn't very sure what he was talking about."I find it funny how much you struggle with my name."

Kaneki flushed a bit."I tend to memorize by association."

"It's fine." He grinned that lopsided grin again, and in correspondence Kaneki died on the inside a bit more."How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Nineteen." He said, grabbing a cloth to tend to a small spill he'd created. He had a habit of occupying himself when conversation strikes, and it makes him a lot more comfortable than sitting face to face and talking."I go to Kamii uni."

"Oh, fancy stuff." He propped his chin on a hand, taking another sip. "I'm taking basic courses right now, College downtown. I might major in psychology or something."

"I like literature."

"I can see it in your face."

"What?" Kaneki blinked, subconsciously touching his face. Hide's shoulders shook with mirth.

"Nothing." A small pause ensued, in which kaneki tried to further occupy himself. Stacking a misplaced cup, fixing his apron a bit, grabbing a dust pan to clear the floor. A pair of eyes lazily followed him until he settled back behind the counter with nothing to do.

"Ooh." Hide cringed, giving the clock hung on the wall across a glance."I gotta go."

Kaneki took the empty cup and placed it in the sink as he pulled out his wallet."Don't worry about it, I'll pay."

"Psh." Hide slid a crisp ten dollar bill into the tips jar, paying for his drink quickly."See ya 'round."

Keneki watched him head out and listened to the jingle that followed, resisting crumbling on the floor due to overheating. The door swung open and the counter crowded.

"Onii-chan." Hinami giggled in a sing song tone."How do you pull up your cute specifically for him?"

"I-I do not!"

"Mm, look at that." Nishio drawled, giving Kaneki a flick in the ear."Ken's got a sugar daddy."

"You're all absolutely _horrible_." Kaneki whines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might feature flirtatious Tsukiyama and jealous Hide later on or something.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki's coffee brings all the boys to Anteiku.

Bad test results, bad night full of nightmares, bad morning with no coffee, ironically enough, for a barista. All of them are terrible omens, but Kaneki tried to be as optimistic as he can in his circumstances, brushed his wet hair to the best of his ability and slipped on his comfort clothes to keep himself in a relatively positive mood as he exited his apartment that Saturday. He idly drew the collar of the one size too big grey sweater to his nose, glad to find it smelling nicely worn—not necessarily out of the washer clean, but faintly mixed with the odor of unidentifiable flowers and of course, the everlasting presence of coffee.

He sat on an icy bench and waited for his bus, going lax from a rigid stance soon. The noises of the city, people and the rush of the streets blended into a haze he barely payed attention to as he opened his favorite book, idly rubbing his cold nose and slumping slightly to read more comfortably. 

Minutes pass without waste, until the halting noises of his bus bring him out of his small world and he catches his ride.

The quiet calm hadn't fortold enough of the storm that was to come, as Kaneki barely had enough time to tie his apron in place before Touka was frantically ushering him out.

"We are so fucking busy this morning, I wanna punch a wall."

"No problem." He said, annoyingly chipper, as he stepped into the warm atmosphere of the cafe and quickly took an empty register. He surveyed the packed line, the early morning bustle of people and smiled at the next person in line."May I help you?"

The man sighed in relief and trudged over to him, and Kaneki considerably lightened the burden from Touka and Kouma as the line split in half. He didn't let his smile falter or his weariness get the better of him, and finally, after enduring long hours, the trail of people thins until only a few are taking a seat with a laptop or a friend or something of the sorts.

Kaneki takes a moment to catch his breath, rub the sleep out of his eyes. He prepares another grin when the bell jingles after a long gap."Welcome to Anteiku." He doesn't mean to stare, but his next customer is rather....flamboyantly standing out at the moment.

All he can think as he regards him is that that is quite a _lot_ of purple and upperclassmen ness, as the man stands there for a moment with regal air (the annoying kind, too) smile that resembled a smirk more than anything drawing the corners of his lips back. Despite his inspection and smile, he doesn't seem to pleased with what he sees.

Then his eyes drift towards Kaneki, flit away from him naturally, but quickly dart back. HIs smirk widens and the raven flushes at the look he was giving him as he approached, a strut in his step."Oh my," He begins, and Kaneki's already sweltering at that tone. He brushes the edges of his bangs uselessly, without moving them much, props his elbows against the counter."Why hello there."

He reminds himself to find his voice, lips twitching into a half assed smile."What can I get you, sir?"

"Mm?" He blinks, looking oddly content an amused right there."Such a polite little thing you are."

Kaneki sends furtive glances around, composes himself once more."I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch your order."

He takes a comfortable seat, crosses one leg over the other."Surprise me, why don't you, Kaneki kun." He drawls, eyes drifting towards his name tag."You look like a deft one."

"Uh..."

"Oi, what the friggin hell are you doing there?" Touka rounds up on him out of nowhere, slamming her hands onto the table and not giving a damn at the looks she got.

"Touka-chan!" The raven stuttered incredulously, grabbing on to her arm in a means of restraint as his customer continued smiling, twisting a curl of violet hair with a finger and ignoring the fuming girl.

"'T's you, Touka dear."

She bared her teeth, Kaneki cringing at the flames that nearly leapt out of her eyes."I told you not to step foot in here ever again, you jerk!"

He tsked, folded his hands over his chest."Kaneki, darling, will you please tame that entity of anger."

"What did you call me?? What did you call _him_?!"

"Well, you see, Kaneki and I are clicking straight off the bat here."

"I—wha...?" Kaneki trailed of in confusion.

"Oh yeah? Kaneki's got an extremely protective boyfriend and god _help_ you when he gets here."

"I? I do?"

"Hideyoshi will be here any second to kick your ass."

Kaneki silently gaped in embarrassment as they continued bickering, the guy having a talent for riling Touka up even more. The barista dragged his rage blinded friend back into the staff room, in which he concludes this Tsukiyama dude was a fucking old pervert and suspected serial killer and Kaneki wasn't supposed to treat him kindly in the first place. 

"S- _Serial killer_?"

"That's what I heard. You'd better go up and there and plant your foot in his face."

"But Touka-chan, why did you tell him that...?"

"Don't you see, you idiot?" She gave him a light smack on his head."What if he wants to warm up to you then kidnap you then tear you apart and sell your organs on _Ebay_. Don't you wonder why the asshole looks so rich?"

Nishio sighed as he passed by, taking in Kaneki's yellow to green faced complexion and his rapid growing fear and possible cardiac arrest."I'm not sure what's worst, that Touka's spewing this bullshit in the first place or that you believe it."

"Go die in a hole, damn you."

"What'd you say?!"

Kaneki slips back into the shop with a sick stomach, realizing he'd reappeared right before the cause of his nausea. He cheered up somewhat when he saw a heap of yellow and orange flopped onto the counter beside a flirtatious heap of purple.

He flushed head to toe when he overheard the conversation going on between Koma and Hide, timidly making his way behind the counter.

"Where's Kaneki?"

"He's busy right now, please let me take you ord—"

"Nooo, I want Kaneki." He grumbled, stretching his arms over the counter. He perked up when he saw the said boy approaching."Kaaaneki~"

"Hello." Kaneki says with a small smile, inwardly cursing when Tsukiyama rakes his eyes unpleasantly over the blond.

"So." He drawls.

Hide gives him a brief glance, finds no interest and pours his attention back to the barista."Coffee."

"Day not too bad?"

He emitted a small laugh."Yeah, loads better."

After slipping Hide's cup towards him, he noticed with a grimace Tsukiyama's patient expression."Oh, I'm sorry sir—you didn't tell me what you wanted."

"Café bombón, if you would."

"Cafe...?" Kaneki mumbled with a confused expression, beaming when he finally put his finger on it."Just a moment, then."

It was enough having Hide following him with speculating eyes, now it was Hide _and_ Tsukiyama and Kaneki honestly didn't know what to do other than whip up the drink with shaky fingers, aware of sweat breaking at the back of his neck with nerves.

When he finally got the damn thing on the counter with a relieved sigh, Tsukiyama hummed as he took a whiff, smile widening."Ah, _excellent_." He picks the cup up, daintily and noisily sips."There is...inexplicable soul in this cup."

"Thank you very much, I'm, very glad you like it." Kaneki manages, unaware of the small crease of irritation forming between the blond's eyebrows.

"I would love it if you could join me sometime. Over a marvelous cup of Café."

Before the boy could respond, Hide choked on his drink, doubling over and coughing into his hand.

"Oh, oh my gosh—are you okay?" Kaneki stood over him, uselessly wringing his hands. Hide raised up a hand in a 'I'm okay' manner."Water, ah, stupid me, water." In an instant he'd filled a glass and handed it over to a recovering blond.

He exhaled heavily when he'd regained composure, Kaneki still fussing over him as he grinned in amusement."It's fine, geez. I'm fine."

"As I was saying," Tsukiyama continues irritably, and Hide's lips curl downwards in a sneer of distaste."When are you free?"

"I'm afraid—I'll have to decline your offer, with all due respect." Kaneki wasn't sure where he got the courage to instantly say, eyes subconsciously flicking back to Hide."I, well..." He laughed a bit awkwardly, running a hand through the back of his hair."I'm already..."

"Do as you please." He said with a small shrug."Your heart is elsewhere, hm?" He winked at him, pointedly sliding his eyes towards an oblivious Hide. An expression of panic fell on Kaneki's face when he realized the guy had figured it out."Well. I'll be back soon, if you change your mind."

With that, he simply left, and Kaneki still had his kidneys intact. He felt a bit jittery as he slid the cup into he sink, nearly blasting the tap on it when the edge of a piece of paper caught his eye. He pulled it out from underneath the cup, where it was secured between it and the saucer, and stared at the curvaceous, elegant letters printed on the small piece of paper. 'Please do call, Ken darling' was scrawled underneath.

"What's that?" Hide inquired, trying to sound casual to conceal his suspicion.

"Nothing!" Kaneki stuffed it into his pocket mindlessly."Nothing that matters."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ship tsukikan and hidekan both at the same time gah Kan x everyone ftw


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took forever

After the Tsukiyama incident, things settled considerably more. Kaneki fell back into his old routine, almost unaware of how downright attached he was to the said routine, how he lived off of Sunshine and nothing more. Hide's name was officially forgotten in the cafe, to Kaneki's absolute embarrassment, and now was code for whatever was warm enough, yellow enough, or daisy enough to fit in a relevant Hide category. Kaneki's to be boyfriend was officially the hottest trend (that even followed him to uni). 

Now, sitting here in a thin blue hoodie on Touka's carpet, he couldn't find it in himself to do anything but watch her slim figure move around in the kitchen and cough into the box of tissues she provided him with."Really, Touka-chan, you didn't have to."

"Idiot." She drawled, giving him an irritated look over her shoulder."Out in the cold with that on, you might as well have come in your boxers."

"Well," Kaneki begins with a slight laugh, instinctively fluttering his eyes when he felt another tickle coming. He muffled a sneeze in his folded tissue, sneezed a couple of times more and the sound that came out resembled a kitten squeaking. 

"Achoo." Touka mimicked in a high pitched tone mockingly, and he giggled again, sniffling."Milk with your tea?"

"Yes please." He fixed his sleeve and leaned back into the side of her bed, eyes going over her clean, but slightly rumpled apartment. It was small, but one of his favorite places to be because it was comfortable and cute in a way, despite Touka's unpleasant nature. It got even more lively when Touka's niece, Hinami joined her every now and then. 

She padded back in her white socks, a tray in her hand and a slightly softer look on her face. Kankeki smiled apologetically."Thank you."

"Mhm. Enjoy being babied while you can." She drones, taking a seat beside him and dropping a sugar cube into her cup. He laughs another rattle-y and pained laugh, sighing into his warm mug."I'll try to get back to work by tomorrow. Koma doesn't mind taking my shift, does he?"

"He doesn't. Sunshine might, though." 

"Touka, please." He flushed despite himself, and thank god his upcoming fever camouflaged it."It's Hideyoshi."

"Sounds like my grandmother."

-

Touka insisted that he took a nap until the freezing temperatures rose again, and although reluctantly, Kaneki didn't refuse. It occurred to him belatedly that he'd put himself in a pretty crappy situation, especially if someone not working in the cafe came in or just even knocked. Who would buy the 'I swear he's not my boyfriend' talk anyway? He was in her _bed_. He groaned uselessly into the pillow, then got up and made sure to lock the apartment door before settling back into the sheets, instantaneously falling asleep.

Being a naturally a light sleeper, the small thud of the door opening made him twitch in discomfort, but not completely awaken. 

"He's a bit tired. I forced him to take a rest so he wouldn't die on us."

"Huh, poor guy. Must have caught it from a customer or something."

That was Touka.

The second one was not.

His half asleep judgment told him to get the hell up already, his thudding heart told him to do the same. His cold said otherwise. 

"Oi, useless Kaneki." Touka's foot poked his side. He heard a snicker behind her. 

"Mm?"

"You have a guest."

"I do? I really can't..." He rolled over, rubbed his eye with the back of his hand. Touka was giving him her default gaze, but his eyes flitted behind her automatically to-  _Fuck_. Oh my-fuck. 

"Morning, Kaneki."

"Uh-?" He quickly sat up, throwing his petrified gaze from Touka to Hide and back.

Touka gave Hide an apologetic look."He wakes up like he's taken a ton of Heroin."

"Nah, we all do." The blond replies good naturedly, and Kaneki awkwardly grinned back, but it only turned into a grimace.

"I have to get back to work."

"Wha-but-you" Kaneki stuttered incoherently, flushing  when she gives him a smirk Hide doesn't see. 

"Have fun, sunshine." She gives Hide a pat and wordlessly heads out.

"Sunshine?"

"Ah, don't mind her--she just--she likes to make up nicknames, y'know?"

Hide snickers a bit."Useless Kaneki, eh?"

"Yeah." Kaneki emits another half assed, awkward chuckle, bristling when Hide casually slides his headphone down around his neck and plops down on the bed beside him. He makes a fruitless attempt of fixing his collar, can't help but notice the blonde's ease and casualness.

"So, how've you been?"

"I'm good, thank you. Just a seasonal cold."

"Ah." he leans back on his hands and crosses his ankles."Hey, you wanna go back to sleep? I'm sorry I suddenly barged in. I can come later."

"No!" He blurts too quickly."No, it's fine. I had a good nap." He lifts up his sleeve to take a glance at his wristwatch, running his other hand through the back of his hair where it felt uncomfortably warm."Good timing, actually."

"Hey, you know, dude with funky hair lump?" 

Kaneki draws his knees up to his chest and gives him a look."Koma?"

Hide's lips twist a bit."That one. Kinda weird, you know? Gives me this vibe."

"Vibe?"

"Like, the vibe I get when my dad's talking my ear off about his early accomplishments."

The raven snorts a laugh into his hand."That's a first. Once you get to know him better, you might think otherwise."

"Maybe." He shrugs."I have to go in like, five minutes. I have an exam tomorrow."  A pause."Don't take me as the nerdy type."

Kaneki blinks at him with a small smile, and Hide quickly continues his choppy ramble."Not that--there's anything wrong with nerds." He'd seen the barista's stash of books under the counter.

"Good luck, then."

"Thanks." He grinned that blinding grin again, fishing in his sweats pocket for something. He pulled out his phone and tapped it against his thigh thoughtfully."Oh yeah, I was wondering if we could hang out sometime."

 _Oh god oh god oh god_. Kaneki kind of just stared at him blankly for a second. _Hanging out, Kaneki. Completely friendly and OK_. 

"I mean it's fine if you don't want to." He says with a shrug, smile in place."You're cool. Would love to know you better."

 _Somebody get the defibrillator_ , Kaneki thinks. He chuckles again, rubbing his arm as he continued his inner freak out."I'd love to, actually."

"Sweet. Okay, gimme your number."

And in that moment Kaneki forgot every single digit he'd memorized his entire life."H-here, let me write it." His fingers were cold and soft, Kaneki's were sweaty and near trembling. _He asked for your numbeeeeer._

 _In a friendly manner, Kaneki. This is not a date,_ he screamed at himself.


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't. Oh god, I cannot." Kaneki breathes, as that had been the only thing he was able to say that entire morning. Hinami and Touka had ganged up on him after ringing his doorbell at nine in the morning, Hinami to the task of pulling him out of bed while Touka made him a warm breakfast that he could barely swallow past the train wreck of nerves. He couldn't contain his excitement the night before, texting Touka about it all. It followed by a few texts from Hide that included a question for his address, the time he was going to pick him up, and a small confirmation that they were going to just 'hang out'.

"He asked you on a date??" Touka shrieked when he rung her up a few minutes later. Subsequently, their much appreciated company followed.

"Ni-san's got a _boyfriend!_ "

Kaneki sighed at Hinami's childish taunts as she circled his chair and made the process of eating his food even more difficult."Guys, please. We're just—you know, hanging out."

"Seriously, though, skip the kissing part when he tries to kiss you. You're still sick, and frankly, suck at kissing." Touka's skillful aversion of his every protest is nearly offending.

He flushes in frustration. "We're not going to—"

Hinami cups her cheeks and makes ridiculous kissy noises. Christ, children and their minds. He tries to down his milk as fast as he can, pouring half of it on his shirt as a result and getting them all fussy over him again.

-

For once in his life, he understands the true definition of _trying too hard_ as he stares at himself, all post-shower wet and wide eyed with excitement. Everything he tried on was just either meh or too much. His wardrobe was all emptied onto his bed by the time he lost hope.

High pitched squeals that resembled an alarm came through his door. "Half an hour time warning!" Hinami says gleefully.

"No, no, _no_." Kaneki breathes, reluctantly grabbing his extremely casual, behind the door hanged outfit. It consisted of a well worn pair of jeans, white sweater and a plaid red and gray scarf he reconsidered wearing for a moment. Ah, screw it, it looked bland without it anyway. He snatches his coat and flees out of his room.

Touka whistles upon seeing him."Nevermind, you might even get laid tonight."

Kaneki nearly hits a wall in his mortification."Touka! Filter it, for the love of god." He stands in front of the bathroom mirror and runs a comb through his head, fumbling through his pocket for his phone when his ringtone blares. "Hello?"

Touka and Hinami stare at him from the living room opening as his eyes light up. "Uh, yeah."  He fumbles with the hem of his scarf while he listens. "I...no, sure. Fifteen minutes? Okay, it's no problem." He smiles. "Um, wherever? No. No, I didn't eat yet." He grimaces and gives Touka and accusatory grimace. His speech was annoyingly incoherent. "Um..." His face goes red "Kay. Bye now."

"What'd he say?" Hinami pounces over the side of the couch.

"Nothing."

"Ni-saaan!" She whines, but he only smiles to himself like an idiot.

Hide comes twenty minutes late, like he said over the phone. Kaneki was glad to see that he was still in his gorgeous dress down. "Uh, hi."

"Hey yourself. Sorry for being such a tardy butt." His lips pull back in his trademark grin, and Kaneki wonders if he'll ever get used to it."Oh, and I got lost, too, so..."

Kaneki chuckles. "It's alright. I don't have much to do today."

"Good, cause I plan to take a big chunk of your time."

Fuck, he couldn't do this, melting left and right at everything he says. Before he can awkwardly fall quiet Hide drags him out, beginning in his ceaseless chatter as he admits that the picking him up thing was a lie since he was too broke for a car. Kaneki says he didn't really expect him to have one, so yay bus rides.

Hide made it easy to just talk, commenting here and there and asking nonchalant questions, that by the time they'd taken their second bus they'd known enough about each other to cross the border of acquaintances to friends. They talked about whatever topic dragged the other, and Kaneki had even forgotten to ask about their destination.

"So, where to?"

"Eh, a club or something." He giggles at Kaneki's expression. "Dude, it's like, barely afternoon. Who clubs in the afternoon?"

"Dunno."

"Yeah, so, food I guess. I love food. Who doesn't love food?" They're treading through a busy street, clamored with people and shops. A huge dog nearly tips Kaneki over by accident.

"So we're going to a restaurant?"

Hide giggles again. Kaneki feels like he'd doing this all wrong."Welp. Not unless you want to."

"No, not really. I'd appreciate a quiet place."

"Okay then, we'll take out and chill somewhere that doesn't remind you of horrid workplace, yeah?" He throws a look at Kaneki, and Kaneki's sure he's smiling dumbly.

"Yeah."

"So, do you listen to Hollywood Undead, by any chance?"

-

They bought some non fancy food and found a lame park bench to chill, like Hide had described it. Kaneki protested at this. Nothing was wrong with park benches, not when he'd brought along a book as precaution.

"Hey, are you even for real?" Hide asks, snatching the hardback from his hand. "You traitor. I feel so offended, why is this here with us?"

Kaneki laughs, reaching for the book that Hide teasingly kept just out of his reach. "It's a _book_. Getting worked up over a book, and you call my park bench lame?" At this point, they were wrestling for it.

"What do you read, hm?" He shoulders Kaneki lightly so he wouldn't interfere as he flips through the pages. "Gross. It's small print. This lousy motherfucker isn't even competition."

"Yeah? Like you can tell."

"Yes, Kaneki, I _read_." He says, drawing out his name. "I know it's hard to believe an attractive young man as myself can also be booksmart."

"Well, you're half right." Kaneki says before he can stop himself. He blushes when he realizes what he'd just said. Hide hadn't noticed, though.

"I read the first Harry Potter book, if that counts."

Kaneki rolls his eyes. "She's good, yeah. But there's better."

"Like Robert Munsch?"

They both laugh at that. "Sure."

It got restless, just sitting around, so they idled around the park, bought ice cream when the opportunity presented itself in the form of a truck, nearly ripped a tire swing off it's hinges. It was a funny sort of unsure-how-to-spend-the-day-with-you session that just helped Kaneki get comfortable around Hide so he could do a little more than stutter around him. He didn't fail to make him swoon every now and then, still.

They took another round of bus rides, and Kaneki was downcast when they finally reached his apartment building. "Oh, we're here." He said it in such genuine disappointment that Hide had to laugh.

"Yay, home."

"Thanks for the ice cream." Kaneki says as they make it up the porch. "That you ate anyway."

"Well you weren't going to, so I took matters into my own hands."

"No but I had lots of fun, really. Guess I needed a break from all that coffee making."

"Sure. Be back for more of that caffeine, though. It's addicting." Another swoon eliciting grin.

"Well, naturally."

"Natural? Don't think so. I'm picky with my caffeine." There was something in his eyes that made Kaneki stare a second longer, and he smiled uncertainly.

"Funny. Who said you got to choose what you crave and what you don't?"

"Well I _don't_." His tongue peeks out in mock concentration as he flicks a strand of hair out of Kaneki's eyes. "But I get to choose whether to indulge it or not."

He knew neither of them were really talking about coffee at that moment, but pointing it out didn't seem like the right thing to do. And really, the more he thought about it, the more it stunned him.

"See you later, then."

"Yeah. Um, bye." He cracks another tentative smile. Hide lingers another moment before turning away, slipping his headphones in place like he always did on default whenever he was on his own.

When kaneki stumbles upstairs in all his jittery feelings, he forgets about the curious duo, Hinami successfully tackling him to the floor when he stepped home. "You're still here?"

"Don't be so mean!"

"No, I really don't mind. Just, surprised."

"Like hell you were going to sleep tonight without giving us all the juicy details." Touka says from the living room.

Hinami giggles. "Yeah, the juicy _details."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they neeeeeeeeeeeeeed to kiss ugh


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys I'm alive. Yes, after episode twelve, too.

Kaneki thumbs the strap of his messenger bag contemplatively as he takes the small walking distance from his bus ride to Anteiku, still in a mild state of exhaustion from a rather long school day. Wednesdays he usually goes from Kamii straight to Anteiku, with no transitional hours of rest at home in between. He suspected he was late for his shift, too, as he gave his watch a glance.

A warm cluster of regulars welcomed his entrance to the shop, followed by Hinami's excited and half coherent rant about the book she finished last night. Seeing Koma's usual pride infested chatter and Irimi's subtle interruptions from behind the counter lifted his spirits for some reason, made him feel at home. He threw on his apron, fixed his hair, and gave the shop one last once over to make sure he hadn't missed any rays of sunshine.

Not that he would, but it didn't hurt to double check. "Hello, Touka." He threw over his shoulder as he grabbed a cloth and occupied himself with the table by hers.

"Hey, it's you." She offers him a twitch of a corner of her lips as she places empty cups into a tray."Sunshine spilled his tears over the counter when you were gone. News flash, right?"

"It has been a while, in all honesty."

"What, a week? Damn, your love is so sweet it's disgusting."

" _What_ love?" It flustered him like every time, anyway."We're barely friends."

"Of course. Says the photosynthesizing human." It took Kaneki a while to get that. He blushed and hid under the tray in his hand for a moment before continuing.

He retires at six, the combination of last night's reoccurring nightmares, school, and an exertion of face muscles in smiling weighing him down earlier than usual. He drags himself home, almost dozes off in the elevator, and nearly trips on the package in front of his door. He picks up the thick but average sized envelope confusedly, sinks in bed and opens it with a small struggle.

First, he finds an ice pack, followed by his favourite burger. Ever. Kaneki rarely had 'ever' favourites, but there were a few.

Confusion growing, he squishes the burger bag to make sure he wasn't in a tired state of delirium, then searches for some form of explanation. He finds a large post-it note inside and reads.

_'You did mention this was your favourite, right? Great. Also please don't step on it. Or over it, haha. A token of our friendship, it is. (I actually mailed it) Would you have preferred a rose? More token-y. By the way, I promise I'm sober. Have a nice drawing of you as proof.-- >' _

 

Kaneki stares. Reads it over again. Then bursts into tired giggles, doesn't stop laughing until it hurts. It was so unpredictable, so--adorable, so Hide and it made his day so much brighter. He forgets his nap as he puts the burger on the stove and grabs his phone. He forgets to stop grinning, too.

He sends a casual 'I like your handwriting' to Hide. It doesn't take him long to get a response.

'Really? I like my drawing better'

He chuckles.'Such skill'

'Its the real token'

'Thank you, though. I love it.'

'The burger?'

He really should stop smiling like an idiot.'the everything '

'Anytime. I smell your burger burning' Kaneki frowns. Glances up, notices that yes, he might've overcooked it. He slides the pot away from the burner, then sends an incredulous, 'How did you know???'

'What I was right?!'

'Are you a gypsy or a stalker?' He sends with a giggle.

'IM ONLY HIDE I SWEAR I AINT NONE'

Kaneki doubles over in laughter. 'I'll check my windows just in case'

'Im at home I swear' a moment later, he received a selfie that he may or may not have spent too much time staring at. It was Hide in his frantic "I ain't none" face, a t-shirt and his favourite green sweats, sitting in bed with his knees drawn up.

He felt his temperature and heartbeat increase the more he stares at it, cursing his stupid feelings. It was just the average college boy evening selfie. Maybe it was his eyes. Or his kind of messy hair, maybe both. Maybe the shirt. Yes, because rumpled oversized shirts are so attractive.

Kaneki groans at his ridiculous over zeal as he fixes his sandwich, forgets when conversation persists and his need to communicate with his object of affection washes sleep away. He sits on the couch and turns on the TV to fill the small potholes of silence left by the time it took Hide to respond, all the while munching on his burger.

It was quite the memorable night.

-

The next day, he brings it up.

Kaneki drums his fingers over his knee in thought, wondering if he was good on timing as he watches Touka fuss with a stubborn pot. He'd been thinking about it on his own for the past few days.

"Ah?" Touka flicks his nose as she passes by."why are you staring at me like that?"

"Sorry. Just thinking."

She washes the pot, proceeds to the next item."About?"

Kaneki gives it one last thought before spilling."I actually got this invitation...it's an intensive literary program. Over the summer, too."

"Nice." She says without looking.

"I'm pretty sure I qualify for a scholarship after it. I could really use that."

"Damn. What a deal." She gives him a genuinely interested look over her shoulder before returning to her dishes."I don't see the problem."

The raven plays with a strand of hair as he ponders the best way to deliver the next wee bit of information without riling her up."It's..." There wasn't a way, really."Sponsored by Aogiri."

"What?!" Kaneki winces when a tray clatters out of her hand. "Wonderful, Kaneki! Wonderful! And you're keen on accepting this invite, I should hope?" She slaps a wet rag into the sink, swivels around to face him.

He mumbles a tentative, "Yes?"

"Aren't you too old for summer camp?"

"Touka, it's for the scholarship." He reasoned.

"My brother went to that damn facility for school too." Her voice considerably lowered, but didn't lose it's rage."He came back a bloody drug addict after a year." She storms out, and Kaneki lets his breath go with a sigh. Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys want more doodles?? Just wondering.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, no doodles this time :/ pretty long chapter though.

Kaneki drums his fingers against the counter restlessly, the other hand playing with a lock of hair behind his ear to keep himself wholly occupied. He wasn't sure why he worried so much, but at that same time felt like he wasn't worrying enough, and in turn grabs his phone and checks it for a message again. Nothing.

"Work already, dimwit." Touka whips him with a cloth as she passes, nicking him in the ear. It stung.

"Touka..."

"I know, Kaneki, your boyfriend said he would come keep your dumb face company four hours ago, still hasn't showed up, your shift is almost over, aaand it's starting to look like he ditched you."

Kaneki's shoulders slump as he scrolls through the tons of messages he'd been frantically sending, to Hide's most recent.

' _I'll be at Anteiku in a few minutes. Make me something disgustingly sweet?'_ Followed by a variety of incoherent emoticons. He sighs, looking up dejectedly again."He's not my boyfriend..." He mutters on instinct.

"You just keep telling yourself that." She swears as she trips on the mop Kaneki had carelessly left untended. Before she can blow her top, Irimi is asking about Nishki's whereabouts, and she grumbles something dismissive. Kaneki continues his agitated display, half lidded eyes gazing across the empty tables. They were closing in a few minutes.

Touka finally shows some sympathy as he throws on his coat and hovers by the doorway longingly. "Hey, don't worry, he's bound to have a legit reason for not coming."

Kaneki takes a moment to chew on his bottom lip, leg vibrating as he stares at the glowing streetlight, brow creased with built up anxiety."I hope."

"Ah," she snaps in annoyance, shoving his shoulder."Go home already. Take a nap. Make out with a picture of his."

"Tou- _ka_!" He groans, swinging at her aimlessly but missing anyway. A smirk plays across her features.

"Look, dummy, your bus is here." She motions towards the bus parking at the end of the street, and Kaneki sucks in a breath between his teeth as he resigns.

"Alright. Have a good night." He takes a slow jog, waves at her, and slips into his ride.

Sleep is hard that night. After calling five times, he gives up absolutely, and decides if Hide was ignoring him by choice then fuck were his calls and messages annoying and clingy. This thought makes him cringe under his covers, and eventually forces him to sleep. First thing he does in the morning when he drifts awake is lunge at his dresser and open his phone. He drops into bed backwards, relief flooding the tension out of his shoulders. Hide had practically spammed him back.

He scrolled through his texts, of which included 'Im aliiiveee' and 'shit sorry I was supposed to be there wasn't I' and 'haha I was knocked out a bit'.

Kaneki frowns at that last one. His fingers instinctively hit the call button, and he waited as it rung. The fifth time, he picked up.

"Hello?" He sounded like he was talking through his pillow. Which he probably was, Kaneki realizes as he gives his alarm clock a glance. It was eight thirty and a holiday off from uni morning, at that. "Bonjouuur." Hide tries again when Kaneki forgets to talk. 

"Uh, um, hi. Morning." Kaneki thumbs his shirt collar and flushes at his awkward tone. 

"Hey. Sorry, man, you looked like you were freaking out last night." Hide's voice was still uncharacteristically groggy, with a little slur. 

Kaneki twists his collar further. "No, I'm sorry. I just-I got worried is all. Are you all right?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just need to wake up."

"Ah--sorry about that too. I'll let you get back to sleep, then." 

"No, dude, no. Tell me to wake up. I've been asleep for a night and half a day." 

Kaneki chuckles in confusion."Why's that?" 

"It's the morphine. I'm high on that stuff, I swear."

"Morphine?" Kaneki parrots dumbly. 

"Yeah, you know. Medical heroin. Works wonders on my pain." 

The raven tenses again."Hide, what? What happened?" 

"Relax." His small chuckle makes Kaneki's heart flit."Ran into Nishki yesterday. Guess he wasn't in a good mood. He kicked my ass a little." 

"Hide..." Kaneki mutters incredulously. There was nothing little about Nishki's sour mood swings."Are you at home? Can I--can I come over?" He surprised himself with his abrupt audacity. 

"Uh, sure." For the first time he'd felt like he'd caught the blond off guard--he hesitated and sounded a little more awake."Now?"

"Yes, now." Kaneki says resolutely. He would not rest until he saw Sunshine wholesomely alright with his own eyes. 

A moment ensued filled with what sounded like sheets rustling about."Alright. I'll be expecting you. Oh, and, uh--" he laughs tiredly."Don't do what I did." 

In his panic, Kaneki forgets to mumble something in confirmation, instead ending his call and dashing to the washroom to get a brush in his mouth. He sped through his morning toiletries, dressed just as hastily, and was out the door in a matter of minutes. And since Anteiku was on his way, he doesn't hesitate to drop by.

"Hey." Touka greets him, looking him up and down when he doesn't make an attempt to round the counter."What can I get you, valued customer?" 

"Double double. Coffee. Regular. And, uh, chocolate milkshake? Make sure you be generous with the whipped cream and chocolate syrup, though." 

"Fancyyy. To go, since you're fidgeting like your ass is on fire?"

"Yes, yes. Please hurry." Kaneki pleads, clasping his hands over the counter and sliding them till he draped himself over it. It was weird being on the opposite side, for once. 

"So, what's up? Where's the date?" Touka asks conversationally as Nishki prepares his order. 

"Hide. Um, he talked to me." He mentally slaps himself when she giggles at his incoherency. Flustered, he rubs his hands over his face."I mean, he's okay. No, no, he's not. Nishki--" he stops when he realizes he's in hearing range, instead giving the brunet's back an inquisitive look."I don't know. Something happened." 

Touka's eyes instantly widen a fraction."Damn Nishki, the hell were you up to last night?" She calls over her shoulder. 

"Mind your own damn business." Nishki slides him the tray, eyes briefly flicking up. "Say hi for me." He says with a sneer.

Kaneki stiffens. For a moment, he considers asking, but decides he might start yelling if anything and Hide right now was more important. He pays, heads out, worry eating at him again. Hide had made it sound so casual, the idiot. He would have a word with him once he gets there. 

He pulls out the folded up envelope in his pocket with the address, realizing with relief it would probably only be a five minute bus ride. He takes a seat, sips at his coffee, and stares out the bus window. He couldn't stop himself from hurting with worry. Hide, against Nishki. _Shit_ , no.

When the bus creaks to a stop, he runs out and finds the apartment building, minding the tray in his hand. It was a two story complex by a busy plaza, and Kaneki considers his decision as he pads up the carpeted stairs. He suddenly wants to turn away and run back home when he finds his door, takes a moment before ringing the bell. What was he doing? What does he even plan to say? 

An agonizing moment later, the door clicks open. Kaneki subconsciously holds his breath as he takes the blond in, grinning like the beautiful idiot he was, the image disturbed by a trail of bluish bruises lining his jaw. His hair is brushed but still wet from a shower, a t-shirt and red sweats adorning his frame. His wrist was fit in a medical glove. 

Kaneki considers bursting into tears for a moment, because who gave a damn, but instead shoves the tray to the floor and without thought throws his arms around Hide in a hug. He teeters, a surprised laugh escaping his lips. 

"Um, hi. Nice to see you too." Hide smelled so good but Kaneki wasn't about to indulge himself like this, pulling away as fast as he'd flung himself. He was aware of his ears heating up as he stumbles over his words. 

"I'm glad you're okay. Like, not that okay like you made it out to be, but. Um, Nishki is Nishki."

"Tell me about it!" He exclaims, grin widening."Actually, _I'll_ tell you about it. So are you coming inside or what?" 

"I'd like to." He picks up the tray he'd discarded and puts the milkshake in his hands, smiling at the way his eyes instantly lit up."You forgot your gross cup of sugar yesterday." 

"Yes! Cold sugar! Kaneki, I could just kiss you right now." 

He misses the look of mortification on the raven's face as he was slipping his shoes off. If only he were brave enough to tell him, _yes, for crying out loud, please do_. 

His attention diverts from Hide to the small apartment, not surprised to find the place glowing with Hide's touches everywhere. It was colourful, cluttered but not messy, and cozy in a way. Posters of bands and a small set of family pictures lined the living room walls. "Sorry. It's a little messy here." 

"Hide, don't. I'm sorry for coming on such short notice." Kaneki resists the urge to touch him again, despite how consistent it was becoming. He wanted to feel his heartbeat again and smell his hair and kiss his sprained wrist and-- he sighs, taking a seat on the sofa when Hide urged him too. He'd been letting himself think too much. 

"Oh, shoot, looks like you already took care of the drinks. Would you like something to eat?"

"Thanks, I'm good. I tried to bring Anteiku here so you don't fuss with the formalities." 

"You did great." He says, grin returning as he takes the seat beside Kaneki."My favourite barista and a milkshake. Anteiku for you." 

Kaneki tries not to giggle like a flustered school girl. Fails, as always."How are you feeling?" 

"Not bad. I'm titanium, if you haven't noticed." He flaunts his bruised jaw and Kaneki sort of wants to slap him. Does he ever admit to his pain? 

"What happened?" He urges, grabbing his cup of coffee. 

Hide leans back into the sofa with a shrug."Nothing much. I stayed a little late at uni with his girlfriend last night. She started this peer to peer tutoring program, and I needed the help. He comes and we exchange a few words, you know, I probably hit a wrong note, and he freaks out. Like I was going to make out with his girl or something." He laughs, there's nothing bitter in it, and Kaneki doesn't know what to say."He's sort of, I don't know, a bit possessive or something?"

"Yeah, you're right about that. That's ridiculous, though. He always overreacts." Kaneki sighs into his cup.

Hide waves it off with a dismissive grin."Nah, whatever. I'm alive, aren't I?"

"Don't say it like that! Like, it doesn't matter or something."

"Not really." He sips at his milkshake, cringes a bit."Cold, cold."

"Sorry."

"Don't worry. My taste buds just kinda exploded. Do your taste buds ever just, explode?" 

Kaneki laughs fondly."Nope." 

"Darn it. Well, mine do. Just--" he makes an erupting noise."Kind of like how Nishki's fist felt against my face." 

"Don't joke about it!" Kaneki groans, and the urge to slap him returns. 

"Kaneki, have you ever seen a guy fight before? People forget it in a day or with a payback beating." He threads his fingers through the back of his head contemplatively, Kaneki noticing a red patch of irritated skin peeking from under his shirt."It's really a waste of time thinking about aggravating things. It's the good moments that count. Like, I'm never gonna forget this timely milkshake, dude." 

Kaneki laughs despite himself, features softening again as he peers at the blond. 

"But Nishki? Who cares?" 

"God, you're a living ray of Sunshine." Kaneki hadn't intended to let the nickname slip. He feels himself flush when Hide gives him a look of scrutiny. 

"Sunshine?" 

"Um..." 

Hide snorts."Funny. Your cute friend, she won't stop calling me that."

"My...oh, Touka. Haha, yeah, she sort of...coined it." Kaneki was glad he didn't bring up his screw ups when it came to writing his name. From the amusement dancing on his lips, it seemed like he hadn't forgotten, though. Kaneki in turn continues playing with his cup, eyes on his slightly fraying sweater sleeve. He couldn't express how nice this little sitting was with anything more than a gentle smile. 

"Do you have work today?" 

"Um, yeah, sorta. Someone's filling in for me, though." 

"Shit, sorry. My fault." 

"Nah. It's not everyday I have an excuse to slack off. And besides, I've, uh, missed you a bit." _Shitshitshit. Shut up, Kaneki_."You know, everyone's been getting used to your presence at the shop." 

"You're too kind. I'm loud as fuck, you know. I think Koma's starting to get a headache from me."

"No way." _You're perfect_ , he doesn't say. 

"Hey--" Hide starts enthusiastically, but stops himself, leaning forward as he gives Kaneki a thoughtful smile. 

"Yeah?" 

"Can I kiss you?" He asks out of the blue. 

He stares blankly. It takes a moment for the words to sink in, and even then, they rolled back through Kaneki's head. He stiffens, afraid he hadn't heard right, but at the same time unable to stop his heart from pounding in his ears. 

"Sorry, that was random. I had to ask." He laughs, like he's trying to play it off."Um, never mind then, I guess."

"Yeah." Kaneki hurriedly says, turning a whole new shade of red."I wouldn't mind. Not like, yeah, I don't care, just--" shit, there he goes again. He chuckles nervously."Kiss me." _I'm kind of in love with you_ , he doesn't say again. 

He wasn't sure what to expect next, but Hide's words weren't one of them. "Really, I hope this isn't weird. I've been keeping this to myself--but I don't know, it doesn't seem right anymore. You're like, what, beautiful? Your coffee is heaven and your talk is awkward and when you're dying of mortification it makes me want to kiss you, right then and there. Dude, I've been straight--" he cuts himself off with a laugh."And then you were like, right there in Anteiku with your smile and cute apron, pouring your soul to everyone over the counter."

Kaneki can't get anything past his constricted throat, like every gate of speech was shut off and replaced by a dizzying rush of blood instead. He can't bring himself to look up, either, mouth slightly open as he pins his frantic gaze to his cup. But when Hide rustles again, he can't help but lean into him, knowing if he didn't take this chance he wouldn't get another one. 

He can't breathe when Hide meets him halfway and takes courtesy of the kiss, gentle and sweet and inevitably awkward. It was perfect. _He_ was perfect. Kaneki couldn't believe how much he craved the gesture, melting against his mellow lips in a second and letting the sensation overtake. Warm. He was warm and the hand tracing his jaw soft, his scent inexplicably welcoming. It was like everything came to this, all the flustered tripping behind the counter, the grins, the conversations, the incoherent stuttering. 

Hide was perfect, but Hide in this proximity was something else. 

Kaneki pulls back first, suddenly feeling like he needed to formulate a response."Hide..." He murmurs, and when his eyes flutter open again Kaneki forgets how to speak. He begs himself to say something else, but he wonders if anything else he had to say were important enough."I love you." He whispers, like the words would lose their meaning if they were any louder."I sound stupid. I sound cheesy. But I can't help it. You're there and it's as if it's everything--" he stutters, takes a deep breath."I ever look forward too." 

"Goddamn." Hide counters with a lopsided grin, pressing another quick kiss to his lips."I thought I might use a pickup line, but what the hell," Kaneki can't help but emit a little laugh."I can't talk either." 

"Way to ruin the moment." 

"We were having moment?" 

Kaneki lightly shoves his shoulder."Hide!"

"Do I still taste like Nishki's bullshit, by the way?" 

"Ugh." Kaneki groans without any real irritation, opting to wind his arms around the blond's waist and bury his face in his chest."Let's not talk." 

Hide's response was to lean back into the sofa, effectively putting them into cuddling position when he drapes an arm over Kaneki's neck."You up for a movie?" 

"Would you feel hurt if I fell asleep halfway?" 

"No, I'd join you. The morphine still isn't out of my system." 

"Then a movie would be fine." 

"Hey, we should've told Nishki to beat me up sooner. I mean, look at this gorgeous cuddle fest." 

"Hide I swear to god I have never wanted to slap you more than I do now." 

He chuckles."Okay, okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cracks knuckles* Kay it's almost time for the hurt feelings arc


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this went too fast, I just really wanna get into the next part :o  
> Also thanks so much for the support, guys, your comments brighten my day <3

Kaneki never knew it could be this simple.

Their relationship was the exact same except had less limitations now. It was sort of like, he had to get used to Hide being there, pressed against him, lip locked with him, occasionally in his lap, warm hand in his, and later cuddled between him and his wall when he sleeps. He wasn't complaining one bit--it was the best he could ever get, the happiest he's ever been. It came to a point where his happiness was so flawless he was afraid of losing to nature and chance and the day he might not have this, not because he chose to, but because circumstance whooped his ass.

Hide laughed at him when he'd brought it up and kissed him and Kaneki blanked and forgot.

Touka, after a month of observation, said they were so blatantly affectionate and disgusting it practically killed her mood. She once kicked Hide out of Anteiku when he became too much of a distraction because his "pretty lover boy" attitude was making Kaneki lose functionality and break more than one cup. As if the impossible amount of dates weren't enough, she'd said.

She still had his back, though, sometimes more aggravatingly then not--when she'd secretively slipped a bottle of lube in his jeans pocket on his birthday and Hide later found it, demolishing any potential of sex because he just wouldn't stop laughing. The Anteiku family initiative, Hide coins it. Just because they all cared for him too much.

It passed like this, faster than anyone would've liked, but in a comfortable routine. Before he knows it, Kaneki is through the school year and tumbling into exam week (with a side of convincing Hide that he would be gone for the entire summer and coping with being pressed by everyone not to leave), and he suddenly wants to plow through it all just to get to Aogiri and fulfill his enthusiasm. He gets stressed out, though, and finally has his first argument with Hide that was extremely meaningless but had him bursting into hormonal tears in the end. They fought long and hard about Hide's hair length until they were yelling about other things and it was so fucking stupid they laughed about it non stop for another week.

Finally, everyone begins paling as they wait for the few day count before Kaneki hits the plane--making it seem like a funeral more than a summer trip to a questionable learning facility. Kaneki had been sold when he'd been informed they'd have an entire week with Takatsuki Sen herself, overlooking every other heed dismissively. It was stupid to worry. Gangs were everywhere, druggies were everywhere, it was a matter of getting involved or not.

Tell that to his friends, though. Touka nearly kicked his ass. Hide was supportive, as always, but significantly more clingy and sweet. Bastard made it so hard to leave him for such a long duration.

"Kaneki, if you don't come back, like, an author or something, I will be so disappointed."

"Hide." The raven rolls his eyes fondly."One does not simply return an author." He says, deliberately formal.

"Write a book or something, then, god." He shifts his weight a bit from his position in Kaneki's lap, flicking the edge of his manga repeatedly, a gesture Kaneki easily read as thoughtfulness.

He threads a hand in his blond hair after a moment of staring, deciding something so soft must be taken advantage of when the opportunity presented itself. Hide relaxed after a minute and started reading again.

He was avoiding the suitcase by Kaneki's front door, the fact that he was leaving for four months tomorrow and they had only tonight to spend together but neither of them knew how. Kaneki, contrary to everyone else, wasn't as bothered. A bit nervous, but the prospect was thrilling. And besides, he hasn't felt the warmth of returning home after a gap in time--something he knew would be wonderful. He hoped he didn't get lonely too soon, though.

Hide stares at him until Kaneki notices and throws a glance over his laptop screen."What?"

"You're fucking beautiful, that's what."

Kaneki emits a laugh, after all this time not failing to flush a little."Hide, we're a little past the pickup lines."

"That wasn't a pickup line."

Kaneki groans a bit, shuts his laptop, and embraces Hide tightly."If you keep this up I won't be able to go tomorrow." He complains into the crook of his neck, tempted to lick him and break the ice.

"Works for me."

Yep, that delicious skin was winning. Hide squawks of all things when Kaneki presses his tongue against his pulse, making a trail to his Adam's apple.

He lets out a breathy laugh and struggles underneath him. "I'm conflicted between being tickled and turned on." Before they can opt for number two, though, Hide curls his fingers around Kaneki's hips and as soon as he moves them Kaneki squeals and tries to twist away. Instead Hide hooks his leg under Kaneki's and uses whatever accidental martial arts he came up with to flip him around and pin him to the bed, tickling his sides until Kaneki rolled away and protectively wrapped his arms around his weakspot.

"No!" He screams when Hide goes for a second attempt.

Instead, he lays down beside his adorable raven and kisses him breathless, disappointed to see the hours were flying by from the alarm clock on Kaneki's dresser. "Kaneki, if you forget to call me I'll..." Hide blows his cheeks, lets go with a shrug."Cry, probably."

He giggles."I won't."

They quiet for a minute, a little tangled, a little drowsy, a little observatory as Kaneki follows the moonlit edge of Hide's face with his eyes.

"Take inventory of this majestic visage." The idiot murmurs, and Kaneki bursts into a fit of laughs.

"You're absolutely charming."

"I love you too."

 _Never as much as I do_ , Kaneki thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> byebye happy arc *kira laugh*  
> jk I'm not even that good at angst


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im Sorry  
> one day I'll sit the fuck down and write something actually decent for this gorgeous ship

None of them were particularly experienced at goodbyes. Which is why they ended up sitting in the airport for a full thirty minutes staring at their feet, afraid someone might say something and trigger tears.

Touka tried to pull a joke about Kaneki avoiding the druggies, voice thick. While Kaneki smiles, Hinami bursts into tears and it takes forever to calm her down.

Hide, however, flitted around. Disappeared for fifteen minutes, returned with coffee for everyone to perk up the depressing morning, and hot chocolate for Hinami. He then sat beside the young brunette and made small talk with her, about anything to avoid a word with Kaneki just yet.

When everything went quiet again Hide finally made some contact with Kaneki, in the form of a tight embrace with his face buried deep in his raven's shoulder to hide any unnecessary outburst of emotion.

Then he left. Simple as that.

The treacherous happy little shit scuttled to the gates, in his favourite blue sweater, backpack hanging from his shoulders and suitcase in hand, a nervous but excited grin playing at his lips. They watch as he disappears among the mass of travellers bit by bit.

Hide catches a glimpse of him at the end of the line, bristling like the awkward child he was as he was padded up and down by a hot security lady.

"Unbelievable. That idiot is already having trouble with security."

Hide snickers at Touka's offhanded remark.

They walked back through the airport silently, engulfed in awkward. Hide had only communicated with her with Kaneki wedged in between, indirect and light. But now, he didn't even have the heart to lift the mood.

He was surprised when she touched his shoulder right before they went their own way home, an unreadable but soft expression on her face."He'll be alright."

Hide grins."Of course he will be." He says, so confident he nearly convinced himself.

He puts on his most depressing music as he takes the bus back home, all the while counting the minutes down. Four months minus twenty three minutes.

Four months was a long, long time. He decides as he steps home again, feeling a swell of empty in his chest.

 _Kaneki, you shithead_ Hide texts.

_I miss your shitty treacherous heart_

He's never put Kaneki and shitty in the same sentences as much as he had in that small moment of frustration.

_Just let me get through security so I can tell you how much this shitty treacherous bastard loves you_

Was Kaneki's extremely cheesy but elegant response. Hide grins so wide his cheeks ache, kissing his phone right where Kaneki's shitty words were.

He was in the process of falling face first into his own bed when his phone vibrates in his pocket. His chest swells when Kaneki's name appears on his screen. He answers the call with an enthusiastic,"So did the sudden death of Takatsuki Sen and an awful storm disrupting your airline destroy your summer plans altogether?"

Kaneki's muffled laugh swims in his head, warming him to the tips of his fingers and he allows himself a moment of relief.

"I'm going to have to disappoint you, but no. Takatsuki Sen is alive and the weather is beautiful."

Hide 'awws' dramatically.

"Oh, and uh, I love you. With this shitty treacherous heart."

"You're going to hold that against me, aren't you?"

"Of course, I even took a screenshot."

"Jesus fucking Christ! Hideyoshi be damned for eternity."

"Dont make me laugh too much, I'm already aboard the plane and this dude just gave me a look."

"Wow, first class neighbours."

"Take off is taking too long, though, and it's wrecking my nerves. But I did get a window seat."

"Great! As long as your neighbour isn't a hot lady with eyes on young attractive jailbait as yourself."

Another giggle."Oh god, Hide. I think the type you should be keeping an eye for are gorgeous twenty year olds with fake blond hair and sunny smiles and a remarkable sense of humour. And a pressing need for Anteiku's coffee. _Then_ there might be some competition."

Hide makes a noise of relief. "Then you're safe, since I'm right here."

"I wish you'd came."

"Babe, you know I don't do literature."

"It can't be helped, I guess," A sigh."Shit. I'm pretty scared right now." He laughs nervously.

"Scared?"

"I've never been on a plane before."

"Pfft, you'll be more than fine. As long as you keep your window shut, that is."

"That's exactly why I need you right now."

"I'm cuddling you in spirit, baby."

"You utter dork." There was a pause. "I think we're going to fly."

"Yes, Kaneki, I have been told that is the purpose of an airplane."

"Oh shut up!"

A thought occurs to Hide, and he taps his chin curiously."Do you have service up there?"

"I don't think so. But I'll be there in five hours."

"No transit stops?"

"Nope."

"Poop."

He can practically see Kaneki grinning, nervous and scared and flushed and awkwardly pressed between a hot a middle aged lady and the window. The image made him smile.

"I'll call as soon as I get there."

"You'd better."

It was okay. Everything felt okay, even when he had to end the call and continue counting the hours.

But only a few minutes of sitting still and watching the clock nearly drove him insane.

After opening his windows and letting the sweet summer breeze in, he sets up his gaming console and tries to pound some records but he figures he just isn't content enough to game.

He tries to surf more through ads for summer jobs, but with his short and disturbed attention span he only gets through two before giving up.

When his mother calls and demands he show up and spend some quality time with family, he decides that it might be his best and only distraction.

Sure enough, his day is consumed much faster with rowdy nephews running about and his older sister fondly criticizing him and the inevitable conversation over dinner about the cute soon to be son in law and when in the name of heck he would properly introduce them.

When he returns home close to midnight, he only has the energy to pop a soda open, sprawl on the couch, and lazily flip through tv. In his distraction, he'd nearly forgotten that Kaneki hadn't called after the predicted five hours, but he tried not to let it bother him too much. Kaneki was probably too busy finding his luggage and maneuvering around the new city. He hoped the idiot wouldn't get himself too lost, though.

He takes a sip of his drink, only half paying attention to the news guy as he delivers some uninteresting political gossip, immersed in his thoughts instead. He blanks a moment later, eyes glued on the screen. For some reason, he couldn't completely register the words coming out of the man's mouth over the sound of his blood pounding in his ears.

"...Flight 129 from Tokyo, departed this morning..." The can drops from his hand, hits the carpet with a small clink and runs it's contents steadily as he tries to fill the gaps in the news reporter's words. "...Found in a devastating collision near the outskirts of...engine malfunction had been anticipated in a short amount of time leaving the course of options minimalistic...eighty-seven instantaneous deaths and more than fifty severely injured..."

Flight 129. Kaneki.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write angst wtf

Hide hated that feeling.

The one that seizes control of your mind and numbs you cold, and makes breathing hard and crying impossible. He wanted to scream, he wanted to burst into tears, he wanted to break the thing nearest to him.

But instead, he freezes up and sits there like a dumbstruck idiot. And when he moves the first thing he does is dial Kaneki's number. It takes at least four tries before he can get it right.

It couldn't be. He had to be wrong. It wasn't Kaneki's flight.

"No," He whispers over and over again as it rings, as though he could alter reality with that word alone.

The call goes directly into voicemail."Shit." Before he knows what he's doing, he's up to get his shoes on, then sprinting out of the building. There was only one place he could think of at that moment. Anteiku. Someone had to give him an answer at Anteiku.

It's normally a short walk--much shorter a run to the cafe, but right then and there it was the longest distance he'd crossed his entire life. Yoshimura normally stayed a while to clean up even after the shop closes, so it was a little of a shock to see the closed sign accompanying the dark and desolate windows.

"Fuck." The one day--the one day he needed that goddamn door to stay open longer.

As if his inner plea was heard, Anteiku's door opens, and he stops. Touka peers back at him worriedly. He's still trying to catch his breath, still numb and cold and pale as death. But seeing her there and the affirmative restlessness in her eyes--and Yoshimura's figure contemplating by the window--made dread brew hotter in his stomach.

"Kaneki--" he says, then stops, stops and breathes in deeply. She nods her head in instant understanding and cracks the door open wider.

He wished she hadn't.

-

It was a horrible night. The shop was darker on the inside and the smell of coffee made Hide feel absolutely sick, and when he sat the chair creaked like it would break but at the same time the silence after it induced insanity. And yet, it was a sanctuary at that moment--a sanctuary for the indescribable pain of uncertainty. It was where they could all sit and patiently await a call that determined too much--whether they'd cry or laugh or hug in relief or whether they'd continue in silence.

When Yoshimura had contacted the medics in charge of the case, they'd said they'd call as soon as the identification process would begin to update them.

No one spoke for hours--the three of them sat and watched as the streets rushed and blurred with noise and color, not daring to speak and break the orthodox mourning silence.

It was so absurd. One moment Kaneki had been nervously fidgeting in a lineup with a suitcase in his hand, waving enthusiastically as he prepared to spend his summer somewhere fun. Now, this.

Hide knew he belonged here, blushing awkwardly behind the counter, or pouring over a book, or gently snuggled against Hide's frame. He did not belong somewhere out there, fate undetermined, or with a single scratch or wound. Kaneki only belonged where it would be safe. It was all he'd ever asked for and all he deserved.

Hide should have stopped him. What a fucking idiot he'd been for ever letting him go as simple as that.

When the phone blares and startles them at four in the morning, Yoshimura quickly answers. He doesn't say much. After a few vague responses, he ends the call.

"What is it?" Touka asks, on the edge of her seat.

"So far they've managed to properly identify most of the passengers. He isn't among the injured."

Touka lets out a strangled gasp.

"But he isn't among the fatalities either."

Another beat of silence. "What does that mean?"

"They haven't found him until now. That is all."

That is all? What the fuck does any of this mean? "What do we do, then?" Hide speaks for the first time since he came, and it almost hurts to talk.

"We wait."

Waiting is awful. Waiting was the worst.

Soon there were rays of light flooding in through the glass, illuminating the empty, and disrupting their sanctuary. It was almost time to open up again. Although Hide didn't know how they'd do it in their situation.

The second call they receive is worst than the last.

"He's officially missing."

 _God, no_.

"It's best in our situation, since there's a big chance he's survived. But nothing is certain," Yoshimura delivers, and even the sadness in his tone is hard to completely conceal."So we must wait a little longer."

Hide feels something in him collapse as the colors of dawn turn into a warm orange and flood the the shop.

Then the real wait began.

-

Hide wasn't sure when he'd gotten over his initial shock, but he'd done it, and he'd done it well. There wasn't much to do but hold on to your sanity when you count the minutes for a week--and then it suddenly hits you. The solution was to stop counting. To forget counting altogether.

Instead, he managed to land that extra summer job and successfully occupy most of his weekdays. When he had the time, he'd drop by his sister's and babysit, and when a new release came out he spent an entire night kicking some pixelated ass.

There was no avoiding Anteiku and the small but strange friendship he'd developed with everyone--more so Touka than the rest. Her coffee was always a little too bitter and nothing like Hide was used to waking up to--but he loved the sting and the strange taste as it was a daily reminder that absolutely nothing was the same, despite how much everyone was trying to build a new normalcy.

Because Hide still found it bitter no matter how much sugar he poured into it, no matter the smile he'd walk in with that day.

It almost physically hurt to step in there everyday, have a small friendly chat with everyone, and pretend the empty wasn't clawing up his throat and suffocating him. It was all he could do to grin apologetically when a regular customer asked cluelessly about his boyfriend--and say something like, "He isn't in Tokyo at the moment. He'll be back this coming September." But when September came and he was asked again, he left the time frame open ended.

So there they went, four months. He'd outgrown his hair a bit, had to return to university, and waited. Waited still.

-

An old troublesome acquaintance appears at Anteiku to spice up his evening. He was  drinking his coffee in content, when he smells it before sees it coming. An excessive amount of cologne and bullshit.

"Bonjour!" No. Oh _god_. Hide directs his gaze at the steaming brown liquid in his cup in attempt to divert the attention away from himself, but of course, the man sits right beside him, straightening up in all his obnoxious purples and sense of fashion. "Ah, it's been such a long a time since I've payed this exquisite place a visit--the elegant aroma of coffee brings back my nostalgia."

"You trash bag! How many times do I have to kick you out?" Touka grinds out under her breath, gripping the cup in her hand with white knuckles.

"As always, your breathtaking welcome makes the experience that much more wonderful, Touka dear." Hide watches in amusement as she seethes. It was short lived, for Tsukiyama's attention soon was set on him again. "Hideyoshi, was it?" He asks, smirk widening."It has been quite a while. I wouldn't be surprised if you'd forgotten me."

"Uh, not all! Mr. Shuu..."

"How kind of you." He sighs deeply, making a dramatic show of folding his arms and looking solemn."I've come to share with you the experience of this tragedy--such an unexpected turn it was, I'd say. Our dear friend Kaneki didn't deserve as much."

Hide feels his grip tighten around his cup. There was never sincerity in his tone--it always seemed feigned and specifically then it only added salt to the wound.

Touka suddenly lunges over the counter and hauls him up by the front of his shirt with inhuman strength. Hide gets on his feet in case he needed to restrain acts of murder.

"What do you want, fucker?" She demands, tone frighteningly flat.

"Oh my." His brow upturns in concern as he gracefully plucks her fingers off one by one, only mildly offended if his smile said anything."Seems we haven't learned the concept of restraint, have we?" He sighs, fixing the front of his suit coat as he took a seat again."A latte would suffice. I've come with valuable information, actually, about a certain _someone_."

Hide stiffens.

"It might save a life. Now if I could have a chat with the manager?"

Touka perused him with her fierce gaze a moment longer, and then disappears into the staff room wordlessly. When Tsukiyama had a hunch, he was almost never wrong.

"What do you know?" Hide pleads, hating the way his smirk widens in satisfaction."It's about Kaneki, isn't it?"

"Why of course. Such an endearing sunflower you are, aren't you."

"Please, quit it with the taunting. What do you know?"

He takes another moment to torture him with his faux contemplation. After twirling a strand of hair about five times, he lays his hands back against the counter."It's been brought to my attention that the plane crash, was in fact, not simply a technical malfunction, but a result of an internal attack while airborne. It's still being investigated, though."

Hide's heart quickens in dread.

"Now, how am I so sure, you'd think? Well, he didn't leave without a catch. The criminal, that is. He's somewhat unstable in the head--he takes and keeps whatever strikes his fancy. And it seems he'd managed to remain armed in the plane. It isn't a surprise that this time, Kaneki Ken had attracted his attention quite a bit."

-

It was hard to believe--it was absurd and there was absolutely no evidence to back up Tsukiyama's claim. All it would take was Yoshimura calling him out on his bullshit and they could forget it.

But Yoshimura didn't. In fact, he was with him all the way.

For some reason, everyone seemed a little relieved that they could put their bets on Kaneki's survival. Kaneki was alive, they'd say.

Alive and in the hands of a phsycopath.

He might as well be dead.

There was nothing they could do, being so far from the action. They could only call and wait, and recently get pulled aside to be questioned on any evidence that might help in their search for Kaneki. Soon the idea became more and more unrealistic. If Kaneki had been held captive, then it couldn't have been simply for the criminal's personal satisfaction, like Tsukiyama had said. At this point he would've asked for a compensation. He would've called twice a day to threaten them with Kaneki's dead body in order to get his hands on money.

That's what normally happens, right? But nothing had been normal at this point.

And now, here Hide sat for the millionth time, answering the same goddamn questions as the officer scribbled his words down. "Did he have any dirt on him? Any form of non governmental debt? Has he been involved in conflict recently?"

"No," Hide sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was impossible to convey to him that Kaneki has never hurt a single soul in his life.

"Did he have any known enemies?"

"Sir, he's twenty years old and he goes to University. He works at a coffee shop, has never so much as rudely addressed anyone, and only ever asked to be accepted and treated the same. That's it. That's all I'll ever tell you, because there's nothing more to his story."

Sometimes Hide would pull up photos of their little moments flooding his phone--when he was alone and his room was engulfed in darkness and all he could feel was the cold pressure of his mattress. He had so much of Kaneki; a few of them together, and when he flipped through them they followed steadily like a timeline.

Kaneki at Anteiku, clueless as he handled a cup in his hand and gazed wistfully ahead. Kaneki and his gentle smile, Kaneki with his hands covering his face in embarrassment, a selfie of them on a gondola as Kaneki clung onto him for dear life.

His heart hurt the more he looked through them, but he couldn't help his growing smile either.

He found a video that made him chuckle before it even started.

"Kanekiiii." His own voice sings through the speaker along with crappy footage of the floor, flipping up as he approached his clueless boyfriend, curled up on the couch. He peers up at him questioningly, smiling in confusion.

"What're you taking a video for?"

"Happy birthday, babe!"

"Hide, my birthday's in a week." Kaneki laughs as he takes the offered book, the hardback cover still shiny and new."Oh! Oh my god, how did you know I wanted this?" He squeals.

"Eh, I found it yesterday. It was a new release, and I just took a wild guess when I saw the author's name."

He grins happily, and Hide feels only guilty for a split second as he goes to open it. "It even has a bookma--" When Kaneki opens it to the middle, Hide cackles in the video.

A live centipede writhes against the pages upon being free, and the book goes sailing as Kaneki shrieks in horror. "What the fuck!"

The video blurs a little as the camera was once again swept down. Hide quickly lifts it back up to Kaneki's pale face.

"You fucking asshole! It's fucking alive! Oh my fucking god it's on the floor! Fuck! Hide, it's fucking alive!!"

His laughter is cut off halfway and the screen goes black.

He remembers how easy it was to get the centipede--a friend's beloved pet, about two inches long and Kaneki's most obvious phobia. It was a horrible move on his end, but he figures Kaneki's reaction was worth it (even though he didn't talk to him for an entire day after it).

There was so much more to see, but the more he looked, the more he ached for the tangible form of the beautiful creature through the screen, and the more he longed for him to come home again. And he will. Hide wouldn't accept anything otherwise. They had so much more ahead of them--everything; and he planned every moment to spend with that treacherous bastard once he was safely tucked under his arm once more.

-

"I think they're getting a lead. Tsukiyama's helping a lot, especially since he seems to know so much about this Yamori person," Touka says as she idly runs her hand against the rim of the table, her untouched cup of coffee growing cold.

Hide tries to let this give him an ounce of hope, smiling gently as he continued gazing out of Anteiku's windows. They gave quite the view of the city, after all.

"How've you been doing?" He asks, trying to change the subject up a little. They spent many afternoons like this, bonding over the same loss in the comfort of Anteiku.

Sometimes they'd forget how much they were talking about Kaneki and it only seemed right to ask about one another.

"Pretty good. Still getting use to university, though."

"Must be tough." Hide nods understandingly. It was her first year at Kamii, and she was giving it her all.

"I like it. Keeps me busy."

"If only everyone were like you, Touka." Hide complains with a lopsided grin."Getting busy with school! Where's the fun in that?"

She narrows her eyes at him and smirks."I wish I could call you a slacker, but you're not half stupid."

"Wow, thanks. Half stupid. Is that half an insult?"

"Possibly."

"Hm, I guess you haven't gamed enough. One day you'll have to come to my place and spend an hour pounding a Playstation controller."

"Sounds pretty lame, Nagachika."

"Ouch. Keep 'em coming, I'm all ears and hurt feelings."

She laughs a little."Fine, fine. I'll stop."

He returns to his window gazing, and they both go quiet a little longer. The shop was near empty at this hour and the silence was welcomed. But before it could get uncomfortable, Hide's phone vibrates in his pocket, dubstep ringtone startling even himself. He smiles apologetically as he fishes it out.

Long distance? He's never received long distance calls, he mused."Hello?" He answers questioningly. A beat of silence."Hellooo?" He tries again, getting a little impatient. At first, he thinks the line went dead--until he realized he could hear breathing on the other end.

For some reason, his stomach drops. Long distance. Could it be...?

"Why aren't you talking?" He snaps suddenly, a little angry. He could feel Touka's gaze on him, but the same continued--the call wasn't ended and the person just wouldn't speak.

"Fine then." He ends it himself, rolling his eyes at his own thoughts. For a moment, it had sparked hope in him. False hope.

"Prank call?" Touka asks.

"Probably." But he couldn't help the nagging part of him that insisted he should've waited--should've pressed them further to talk.

Not even a minute later, his phone rings again, displaying the same number. He feels a little uneasy now when he picks up."Hello?"

Steady breathing.

"Who is this? What do you want?"

"Hide..."

He freezes up, breath hitching in his throat. His name. And the voice--it was quiet but he couldn't be wrong."Kaneki?" He whispers in disbelief.

Touka's chair screeches against the floor and she's on her feet, watching him with wide eyes.

"Kaneki, is it you?" Silence. He panics, fearing he might've ended the call. "Kaneki!" _Don't do this to me,_ he pleads, feeling his eyes sting."I know it's you. Why aren't you saying anything? Please, just...say something. Kaneki? _Kaneki!_ "

The line dies. No matter how much he calls back, no one picked up. And that was the last he heard of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEE HE ISNT DED


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh for some reason I can't get security worker Hide out of my head???

He lied to himself, after all, and eventually resumed counting.

It's been two years, a month, and seventeen days. Not much had changed in that amount of time. Except maybe his sleeping habits because of security work, some fashion quirks, and something like an odd wave of puberty that hit way past it's time--squaring up his shoulders a little and sharpening the cut of his jaw. It wasn't too much--just a small difference you'd notice if you payed close enough attention.

Anteiku, as much as it was a misplaced home before, remained the same up until now. As for university, one more year and he was out for good, a good way to bring about some closure.

He'd hardened a little on the inside, but not enough to break. Just enough so that he could live and, at the same time, hurt significantly less.

Although, with Touka on his case, he seemed to be getting into more and more unnecessary trouble with the excuse of him being the security guy. He expected another run in with a difficult customer in Anteiku when she calls him one evening; out of breath, agitated and quizzically rushed.

"Nagachika Hideyoshi, you will drop everything in your hands and get your ass to Anteiku this instant," She demands through the phone, deliberately trying to sound like his mother.

Hide, closing up and returning his keys for the night, runs a hand through his hair in contemplation, watching as the dim street lit up with thunder and the incessant downpour of rain steadily beat against the roof of the building. "What're you up to? Last time I got a call like this, I went home with a bloody nose because of your unsatisfied customer."

"No bloody noses. Promise. Just get here pronto."

"But it's--" he uselessly motions at the awful weather."It's raining hard as hell."

"Hide."

"But--"

"Hide."

There was no escape."I'm coming."

* * *

For a moment in time he felt like his heart might leap out of his chest, what with a bottled up mix of nerves and stress and anticipation making his anxiety build to an uncomfortable extent. He hadn't left a single joint in his fingers uncracked as he gazed out the window, the sight partially concealed by his reflection in the glass.

 _Breathe_ , he told himself. _Breathe_.

"He'll be here any minute now," Were Touka's reassuring words.

 _That's right, breathe_.

He inhales the sharp scent of coffee, shuts his eyes and presses his forehead against the cool glass, letting his senses succumb to the feel of home again. The warmth that filled the atmosphere, the banter of Irimi and Koma melodically playing with the clinking and clanking of cups being shelved, and the sound of the tap pouring steadily. The warm glow of the lights against the stark darkness of the streets, and the view of pedestrians and a blur of color that were the speeding vehicles that passed.

 _Home_ , he thinks, grasping on to every bit he sensed with his mind like it could slip through his fingers at any second--like if he didn't constantly remind himself that there was nothing to be afraid of he'd get caught in his own internal bearings once again.

For two years, a month, and seventeen days, he's waited. But these few minutes--they were destroying him.

"Onii-chan?" Hinami's tugging on the hem of his shirt, and he gazes at her apologetically, realizing he'd been too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice her presence. She smiles big, holding out her blue umbrella to him."Won't you help Hide-san stay dry?"

His heart skipped a beat, as if mentioning his name would make the experience so much more frighteningly real. Swallowing, he takes the item from her hand--the childish gesture tooth rotting in its sweet sincerity. He smiles gently."Thanks."

The overhead bell rattles a little when he steps outside and opens the umbrella in an uncertain motion. He peers at the sky from underneath it's plastic edge as he stands under the heavy rain, grateful for the change of task. The rain drowned out his unease and left him calm, as though his anxiety washed away with the stream collecting at the edge of the sidewalk.

Then he heard it.

Footsteps, a click clack of dress shoes against the concrete headed his way.

Panic returned to him tenfold. He thinks about the odd head of white hair framing his face, the black of his nails, and the scars artistically marring his skin underneath his clothes. And he suddenly wasn't so sure about confronting Hide again.

But now, it was too late. He sounded a little out of breath when his feet appeared from what was visible under the umbrella, and he almost stopped, but instead he obliviously continued into the shop.

And now, he could turn around and walk away. But what would Hide think?

Before he can dwell on this thought any further, the door to the shop opens again, and the same pair of shoes are in front of him. "Hey, sorry I missed you there. Touka said you were waiting on me..." He drifts off.

Kaneki just couldn't lift his eyes up, feeling as if his heart had stopped altogether. But then he realized it wasn't necessary to prolong this any further. It wasn't necessary when Hide was right there, ridiculously drenched, ridiculously dressed in his navy security officer uniform.

Hide's dumbstruck face was what broke the ice, making Kaneki crack a small smile. He took a step closer so he could cover the both of them with the umbrella."You're getting soaked," he says quietly, the amusement still playing at his lips as his eyes drift over Hide's figure.

He'd gotten a little taller, his hair longer, something more mature about his face--but his eyes still twinkled the same way Kaneki remembered. There was a brief moment wherein every part of him ached a lot--ached at being away for so long, at the small but searing distance in between them that Hide just wouldn't break, as if he would wake up if he did.

But then they collide in a fierce kiss that was so strong and sudden he dropped the umbrella in favour of tangling his being with Hide's. There was nothing at that moment--no rain, no street, no world; nothing. Everything ceased but the feel of Hide's lips moving against his own and the arms that kept him mellow and firm against the blanket of warmth that was Hide's body. And all he could hear was,"You're home, you're finally home, love," between breathless kisses and burning tears and the safest hands caressing what was scarred and wasn't.

Hide only stops to breathe him in; to shut his eyes in relief and press his lips against pale knuckles."You're here," as if he was the one who needed the confirmation.

But those words were more important to Kaneki, so much and Hide probably didn't realize that. The fact that he hadn't hesitated for a single second--hadn't hesitated to absorb the frightening difference gave him hope that he hadn't lost his place in this world after all.

He smiles again, trying to take in every new detail of Hide's."Security work's looking really good on you."

Hide grins through his tears, eyes glinting in the darkness."Speak for yourself. You're a little too attractive, but I think I can get used to it."

 

* * *

"What happened to you two?" Was Touka's baffled response when they come into the shop, absolutely drenched and looking feverish for more than one reason.

"Aww." Hinami sighs."But I gave you an umbrella!"

"This is what happens when you don't give me a warning! No offence, Kaneki, but it feels like I've been run over by a cargo train then showered with flowers. And wow, isn't it the most amazing thing ever." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup that's pretty much it...some explanations and loose ends being tied in the next/last chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

It was beautiful while it lasted.

Hide had been so engulfed in the relief of Kaneki's return, he barely noticed the stark gap that had fed and grew between them until they were both tripping and falling into it everyday.

Kaneki was never the same, for one thing, and despite how much they tried, it wasn't easy. Hide had to put twice the effort for only a fraction of his smile. Twice the effort to see him genuinely comfortable, but only for brief moments. He would never hesitate to exert himself as much as he could to make him feel at home again—but it just...it almost wasn't working.

"You're beautiful," he'd say, but Kaneki's jaw would harden and his eyes would swim in self loathing like Hide had reminded him of his scars and the freakish nature of his hair.

"I love you," he'd say, and Kaneki pales, his breath would hitch in uncertainty, and the hand intertwined with Hide's would grow cold with dread.

He'll touch him, or bring him close and bury his face in the crook of his neck and he'll hear the anxious cracking of fingers that seemed to be Kaneki's only solace nowadays. And at night, he never slept sound—always tortured by his worst fears as he still fought them in his sleep.

Hide didn't know what he was doing wrong.

"You don't have to."

It all came to that, when he really thought about it. Hide glances up at Kaneki quizzically when he says this, hands wrapping the gauze around Kaneki's healing arm going still.

"Don't have to what?"

Kanek uselessly motions with his other hand."This—everything." He keeps his eyes on the floor when Hide perused him with his gaze.

"That's stupid."

"I'm serious."

Hide sighs through his nose as he secures the last of the bandaging, then sets his hand down."This is the only thing I care about right now."

"It's not just now," Kaneki heaves, running a hand through his hair in exasperation."I've got so much shit ahead of me. If I want this to come clean legally, I'm gonna have to go through court. Police. People. Questions. Prison, too probably."

"We've established that already, yes."

Kaneki glares in mild annoyance at his cool tone."Hide, I killed him."

"So?"

" _So_? You're gonna have to go through all this for—? What, I don't know."

"For you." Hide says, eyes narrowing in amazement at the fact that he'd ask."For what's left of you that Yamori didn't steal. Look at yourself, for fuck's sake."

Kaneki flinched, and something tore at Hide's chest. He swallows, hand subconsciously grazing Kaneki's injured wrist as he tries to find it in him to be gentle again. "I'm still bandaging you up and it's all his fault. He's dead, but it doesn't end there. You can't even—can't even find it in you to feel at home anymore."

"I _am_ home."

"You're not." Hide knew he could only fix this with the honest truth. He slinks his hand into Kaneki's and meets his eyes."You're not. If you were, you would never ask me to leave like this."

"Hide, I'm not asking you to leave. You didn't do anything wrong. I just—me. Don't hurt yourself like this for me."

"I'm not going anywhere." Hide retorts, and Kaneki lets out a sigh."You can't make me. I won't go until you have the guts to look me in the eye and tell me that we're not working out. That one of us messed up, that you don't love me anymore, or that you found someone better. Then I'll kiss you goodbye and date a sexy girl to prove that I'm goddamned bisexual."

Despite the tension, Hide chuckles when Kaneki's eyes flash dangerously. That bitter liar would die of jealousy first, let alone let him leave.

"Who's this proof of your sexuality?"

"Saving her for a rainy day."

Kaneki lunges at him and smothers him with a pillow."I'll kill her."

"You wouldn't break my heart like that, would you, love?"

"Who the fuck are we talking about?" Kaneki seethes, still doubled over Hide as the blond snorted in amusement.

"She doesn't even exist!" Hide's full on laughing now, watching as his jealous boyfriend is consumed with anger.

"Liar!"

"Careful, though, you're getting severely attractive again with that expression."

"And you're changing the subject." He grits, and Hide wipes the tears of laughter from his eyes before winding his arms around Kaneki and pulling him down against his will. Then he hooks his legs with Kaneki's so he doesn't escape and comfortably nestles against his shoulder. He smelled awfully good and Hide had no choice but to inhale deeply before he could formulate a response.

In the end, he sighs in defeat."There was never a girl in the first place."

He feels Kaneki tense up against him."I said don't lie."

"She'd have to be five and some feet of pale skin, something otherworldly in her eyes, pretty slender fingers, a head of absolute white hair," He almost hesitates, unsure if mirroring Kaneki's words the day of the plane crash was something either of them wanted to hear. "But most importantly she'd have to know how to make delicious coffee, the kind that doesn't really burn your tongue but keeps an aftertaste for as long as you remember, the kind that warms your chest and hurts your heart and makes you never want to taste anything else again." He smiles a little, his boyfriend's rapid overheating almost visible."Hook me up if you ever find her."

Kaneki pushes himself up and playfully hits his shoulder."You're such a dork," he mutters in embarrassment, stumbling off of him so he could find a corner to blush on his own."You were always shit at Shakespeare, anyway."

"Hey, I'm serious, though. If you have a hot sister you haven't told me about..." Hide's cut off by the sound of Kaneki's last nerve snapping and a paperback smacking him in the chest."You're the one who wants me to leave! Find someone better for me, then." Hide should really stop ruffling his feathers so much, but it was simply too endearing.

"Fuck yourself!"

"You won't let me!" Hide retorts with a laugh.

"Because you're fucking mine!"

"Well then! I love you too."

* * *

Kaneki, after some close consideration, deemed it odd and a little nerve wrecking to get behind the counter again. For one thing, there were too much people he had to distribute his patience amongst and not enough of said patience to distribute. Irimi had to constantly remind him to smile and Touka said he needed to stop glaring at entering customers like they were walking into a club and he was the bitchy bartender.

Soon, though, he was disciplined enough to at least give a one cornered smile when he cashiered, and to mutter a 'welcome to Anteiku' every now and then with much reluctance.

How had he even done it before? Kaneki couldn't fathom for the life of him.

Hinami was at the shop as well today, her presence an additional shot of rowdy cheer as she chased Hectare from the staff room and back and nearly made Kaneki trip on his feet (on several occasions).

When the bell chimes again and he rolls his eyes a little, Irimi gives him a pointed smile that said 'don't be that way'.

"Welcome to Anteiku." He offers offhandedly, giving the customer a sidelong look. Who, of course, happens to be his blond boyfriend, looking bloody hot in his security uniform.

Kaneki double takes before practically striking a pose over the countertop. He clears his throat and gives Hide, who now smirked questioningly, a look from under his bangs."I meant, welcome to Anteiku," he repeats with voice, but he may as well have said 'why _hello_ there, sexy'.

"So you had it in you all along, you asshole!" Touka snaps.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kaneki responds coolly.

Hide had now caught on and he rolled his eyes fondly as he approached.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Dropping by to see how you're doing on you first day in that uniform—sorry, at work." Hide not so subtly and very deliberately slips.

"Irimi you'd better move away, their gross is contagious."

Irimi laughs lightly as she drys a cup."Don't worry, Touka, single people like me don't catch it that easily."

They ignored the teasing as it was common and inevitable."So, when does your shift end?"

Kaneki briefly glances at the clock."Fifteen minutes."

"Great. Okay, so we should grab some brunch and go hang out at a lame park bench."

Kaneki smiles despite himself."We are _not_ doing that again."

"Oh come on. You're not a restaurant person and I can't do anything about it."

"You're buying me ice cream, then." Kaneki throws over his shoulder as he goes to fix Hide his favourite bagel and coffee.

"Deal!"

"But you're not eating mine again."

"Darn it." Hide snaps."That was the best part."

"Shithead." Kaneki mutters fondly.

Hide quiets as he watches him work, finding it a little funny and absolutely heart warming that his motions and habits hadn't changed in the slightest. He still triple checked the coffee pot even when he knew it wasn't ready, still lost his focus when he gets sugar on the counter and can't finish his task without wiping it off. And when he turns and finds Hide staring at him, he scowls and his ears turn pink. "Stop it."

Hide grins."I didn't do anything."

"Just stop." He pauses briefly to push his bangs out of his eyes, and Hide glimpses it.

"Hey, are those black roots?"

Kaneki gives him a quizzical look and Hide motions him over. When he's close enough, he folds his hair out of his eyes again and inspects the tiny hints of black seeping into his bangs. "Yep. Right at your hairline."

"Uh." Kaneki's brow furrows, like he isn't sure how to feel about that.

"Well gosh darn it, gorgeous." Hide exclaims, making sure Irimi wasn't looking before stealing a kiss.

"Gosh darn it, impatient." Kaneki throws back, cheeks growing hot as he pushed him away and returned to his work. He saunters back when he's finished, placing the cup and bag over the counter with care."Here you are, sir. On the house."

"How kind of you!" Hide fawns, turning the cup around when he caught a black scribble.

 _'Sunshine_ '

"It's been almost three years, Kaneki, and you still can't get my name right?"

"You're Sunshine, though." He says with a lopsided smile, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He gives Hide a look—who mirrors it with a contemplative smile of his own, the pretty kind he can't tear away from for a long moment."I'll go get changed." He finally says, rounding the table and disappearing into the back of the shop.

All he could think of as he discarded his uniform was the little nagging guilt at the back of his mind—of the small things he did that he knew would never hinder Hide but seemed plain selfish all the same. Telling him to leave. Being unable to visibly accept his small gestures of affection, despite how much they meant to him. He wasn't sure but maybe, just maybe, he was pushing Hide away a tiny bit at a time, and the thought frightened him inexplicably at that moment.

"Have a wonderful day, guys." Irimi calls after them when Kaneki had grabbed Hide's hand and practically ran out of the shop.

"Woah, slow down," Hide pulls him to a stop when they're outside, bringing him back so they were facing each other."You okay? Never mind, you're not okay."

"I'm fine." Kaneki breathes, even though he knew he might've looked a little uneasy."I love you."

"Now you're starting to scare me."

"Why?"

"Well, this is the movie moment when the girl delivers the smack down and is like, bam! I'm pregnant."

"Hide! I'm serious." Kaneki glares in annoyance as Hide giggles apologetically.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I love you too."

"I really do."

Finally, a sober look appears in Hide's eyes, and he took a moment to try to decipher Kaneki's sudden panic."I know."

"Do you?"

"Kaneki!" It was his turn to whine in annoyance.

"Sorry, I just—" Kaneki stutters, trying to regain his composure. His throat was dry and his head hurt and he was afraid he'd fucked up again, so afraid right then and there despite knowing how irrational his anxiety was. He shuts his eyes for a moment, glad to feel Hide place a comforting hand to the side of his face, and takes a deep breath before responding."I needed to make sure."

When he looks up again, he finds Hide gazing at him intently, expression gentle but unreadable. He opens his mouth to say something, but thinks better of it and searches for Kaneki's hands instead, curling his fingers around their delicate form and standing in silence until they weren't cold anymore. He senses Kaneki steadily begin to feel less anxious, glad when he didn't go to crack his fingers, glad when he calmed by his own will.

"Did you make sure, then?"

Kaneki smiles a little."I think so."

"Well, tell me again." Hide urges with a soft squeeze.

It was Kaneki's turn to peer at him from under his eyelashes confusedly.

"It's not everyday you freak out and go super sweet. Come on, before your bitch facade resurfaces."

"Shut up." Kaneki mumbles, snapping his gaze away, but Hide's having none of it, the insufferable moron. He links their fingers together and moves forward, forcing Kaneki's back against Anteiku's wall.

Kaneki's face ignites when he realized how ridiculous they looked."Hide." He seethed between his teeth.

The shithead only grins innocently."What?"

"I will murder you if anyone sees us like this."

"I told you your bitch would resurface."

Kaneki scowls, but just to prove him wrong, sucks down his pride and breathes in deeply."I love you. I love you a lot."

Hide looks caught off guard, and he drops his arms just like Kaneki wanted."Damn, you got me. Did you have too much sugar again? It's leaking into your speech."

Kaneki lunges forward, and Hide squeaks a little as he barely dodges his grasp and makes a run for it, the other close on his trail."Shit! Guess I'll race you to the park."

"If you make it there alive, you public mortification."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *party noises* there ends my longest tokyo ghoul project! *intense tears* must find new way to grieve


End file.
